The Weirdest Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

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25 thoughts on “The Weirdest Lies Parents Tell Their Kids

  1. Did anyone else’s parents say “if you keep making that face, it will stay
    like that” 

  2. The biggest lie of all is religion

    Waits patiently for idiotic religious people.

  3. All parents in my area said that if you sag too close to the tv, your eyes
    would go square. I believed it for a couple months. 5 years later, my 12
    year old friend came round and I was sitting in front of the TV and invited
    him to sit next to me. He then said “you do know that if you are too near
    the telly, your eyes go square, right?”.
    At this moment, I had the biggest face palm in my ENTIRE life so far.

  4. When I was a child my dad told me the biggest lie of them all.

    He said that when I grow up I could become anything I wanted. That was a
    lie, because I will never become the king of the United Arab Republic or
    Spiderman…. #ThanksObama 

  5. My parents told me that if i touch my penis it would fall off..
    I believed that way to long..

  6. That Santa only gives presents to children who are nice all year.

    Here’s why: The middle sister of my family was freaking horrible all year,
    she stole a hundred dollars from my mom and made paying bills a fudgeload
    harder until my mom grinded the truth out of her, she stole my littlest
    sisters money and didn’t give it back until she promised to leave her
    alone, and heck stole my wallet and hid it. Not to mention countlessly
    breaking things that weren’t hers, like a snow globe I got from Disney
    world, talk about memories down the drain.

    YET SHE STILL GOT A FREAKIN PRESENT FROM SANTA

  7. my parents told me the universe was created by a giant invisible pink
    unicorn.

  8. I was always told that if i eat a seed of an apple, there will grow a apple
    treen inside of me ;_;

  9. my parents told me if i shit for too long my orgens will fall off thrugh my
    butthole…..
    yea…

  10. Mom said that dad was still at the grocery store

    that was a lie wasn’t it

  11. (*HAVE YOUR PARENTS EVER TOLD YOU THESE LIES?*)

    1) “Oh honey, this tastes delicious.”
    2) “That drawing is FANTASTIC!”
    3) “Mommy, can I play with you’re phone?” “No sweety, My phone is dead.”
    4) “Your mom and I are going to bed, too.”
    5) “No, I don’t think you’re getting a shot at the doctor’s today.”
    6) “The dog ate your candy.”
    7) “Santa clause is real”
    8) “It was the tooth fairy”
    9) “Babies are made when two people really love each other.”
    10) “Santa/The Easter Bunny/The Tooth Fairy doesn’t come if you don’t poop
    in the potty.”
    11) “I think your favorite stuffed animal is on vacation.”
    12) “The toy store/candy store/Disney World is closed.”
    13) “We’re all out of ice cream.”
    14) “We won’t let anything happen to you.”
    15) “Your mom and I were just… wrestling.”

  12. My parents told me that if I was bad I would go to child prison and get
    tortured… 

  13. My dad told me that they only named hurricanes after girls otherwise they
    would be himicanes.

  14. Parents: “If you hit your toys, they will do the same thing to you when you
    die..”

    Me: *Whispers* “I’m sooo sorry guys, please don’t hurt me when I die: DON’T
    KILL ME EITHER!!” *Starts sobbing*

    I believed this for a long time.. #ashamed

  15. When my parents accuse me of lying, I look at them and shout “TOOTH FAIRY,
    EASTER BUNNY, SANTA”

  16. My mum told me that if the tune on the ice cream van is playing, then
    they’re sold out of ice cream. 

  17. My mom told me that cats can’t understand human language. Actually, she
    still keeps telling me that, expecting me to believe her. I’m 22.

  18. My parents lied to me about some guy that created the universe and
    everything on it. I forget his name but it started with G.

  19. One thing I love about my parents: They never lied to me.
    They openly taught me about sex from a young age and never lied about
    “where do babies come from?” They never led me to believe in things like
    Santa, Easter Bunny, etc (these things do not exist in our culture anyway).
    They taught me everything they knew and believed religiously, but always
    encouraged me to think for myself and question them.

  20. Not one of my parents, but my sister told me that after you flush the
    toilet, Bloody Mary comes out of the mirror. To this day I’m still
    terrified to look in the mirror or stand in the bathroom after I flush

  21. Everyone in my family told me that if I eat the seeds in a watermelon, then
    I would grow a tree in my stomach.